What’s got my ire up?  The fact that a 3-year-old girl reached her “maximum allowances of potty accidents” at preschool and therefore, was suspended for a month.  Are you kidding me?!  It’s not like little Zoe was misbehaving–punching or biting her fellow classmates, or throwing objects around the room, or even using bad language.  No, she was suspended because she hadn’t yet mastered reaching the bathroom on time.

Zoe didn’t have accidents every day, or even every week.  But like a lot of children, she’d go through a period of multiple accidents.  Zoe didn’t make scenes about it, in fact she cleaned herself up and changed her own clothes.  According to the article, her parents did everything most of us do–a reward system for when Zoe did make it to the bathroom on time, cute songs to help her remember, even giving her a watch with a built-in alarm to remind her to go to the bathroom and try.  I’m sure it didn’t help matters when her teacher would bring her up to the front of the classroom at the end of the day and tell her class how many accidents she had that day.  Hmm, common sense, let alone child psychology tells me that public humiliation doesn’t work; it’s just cruel.

The school had the nerve to suggest Zoe go see a pediatrician.  The doctor said she was perfectly normal and so were accidents.  But when Zoe returned after her suspension, she was so scared and nervous that the accidents started again.  I can’t blame her, actually.

I understand that some schools aren’t equipped with enough staff to handle multiple accidents by multiple children, let alone a handful.  But to expect ALL children to be 100% potty-trained (no Pull-Ups allowed here!) at the tender age of 3 is absurd.  Although I’m not a resident of Arlington, VA, I fully support this mother’s efforts to change the school board’s policy.  I’m glad little Zoe is now at a better school and my heart goes out to all those other little children still going to that preschool who can’t switch out. 

Shame on you, Arlington School Board and shame on you, Claremont Elementary.

Today’s one of the days my tot and I go to “gym class,” AKA “R-U-N like mad and kick balls around!!”  Usually I’m gun-ho about going as I too get to run–I mean, chase–around the gym.  It’s good exercise, if not a little frustrating when your tot is the one who insists on doing things “her way.”  Anyway, I do get to hang out with some neat people for an hour that are over the age of 2.  Not all bad, considering.

 Alas, playing hooky isn’t what it used to be, as in the days when I’d call in “sick” to work or skip a class at college.  Back then, I would have had the whole day to myself, to take a long and lengthy bubble bath while reading the morning paper, then sit immersed in some horrible guck on TV while chomping on chips and wearing my comfy robe all day.  Bliss, especially considering the work world I exited a few years ago.

But as a SAHM and writer, the traditional concept of playing hooky is well…just a concept now.  Because I’m still at home, which is my place of work.  I’m just choosing not to write today, but then again, here I am blogging!  And if I’m at home, there’s always something around the house I can be doing, such as painting that master bath, laundry, cleaning–you get the gist.  Not exactly the mental/physical break that playing hooky used to promise.

But I’m not giving up on it!  Instead, to honor the truant in my who once was, I hereby vow not to do any chores today and to indulge in some sophomoric television whilst the tot naps.  Otherwise, I will exchange my PJs for sweat pants and a t-shirt and play on the floor with my girl all morning, indulging my inner child.

Hrmm…not so bad, come to think of it!  And it won’t count as an absence or spent vacation day, either ;>

The other evening I had a fabulous opportunity to do just that, by reading a new book with my tot entitled, Flightless Goose  (by E Goodman).  It’s a nicely illustrated tale about a goose who is different from the other geese and is teased for his differences.  The book does a nice job of showing how the teasing the goose’s feelings, which is an invaluable lesson to teach children.  The tale also goes on to show how the goose learns to accept his differences and embrace his new abilities.  He learns that although he is different from his friends, he is just as important as they and comes to embrace his own self-worth.

After reading the story to my tot, I explained that although this goose was different, it didn’t make him bad or mean or better or worse than any of the other geese.  He just had is own special talents, like we all do.   It’s never too early to teach our kids that being different is alright, no matter what that difference may be.

For more information on the book, you can visit the website www.flightlessgoose.com.  I highly recommend it for young readers.  Enjoy!

It was far too beautiful a day to stay in the store any longer than I had to.  So hustling my feet some more, I decided to zing off to the back, where the customer service desk was located.  On the way, another customer darted out of one of the side aisles, nearly knocking me down.  I graciously side-stepped and continued on my way.  We  then walked “together” down the aisle and I noticed that she was carrying a large store bag, full to the brim, and with a receipt tucked inside.

Uh-oh, I thought.  She’s going back to the customer service desk for a return.  All I have is this skimpy envelope with a check enclosed; a transaction that would take 1/10th the time hers will.  So I quickened my pace.

So did she.

Hmm…I thought…did she really do that?  Let’s find out, I thought.  So I lengthened my stride.

So did she.

Are you kidding me, I thought.  Is this older woman really racing me to the desk?!  In the voice of Sarah Palin, my mind said, “You betcha!”  I was trying not to laugh out loud at the two of us, both about to break into a run just to get to the back.  I even considered dodging through some of the back aisles to take a shortcut, but my internal GPS said it wouldn’t work today.

So naturally, I stepped up my pace once more; if Secretariat could do, so could I!

Well of course she did, too.  And she had a knack of zooming around other customers in the aisle, very deftly in fact, given the load she was carrying.  At that point, Clarity and Sense knocked on my door and said to slow down; let the lady get there first and conduct her transaction, even if that means you’re losing a few minutes of sunshine.

After an “agonizing” five minutes of listening to the return transaction (the whats and whys), it was finally my turn.  At least it was pleasing to see that what she had bought was ugly and indeed, needed to be returned ;>

Imagine a lovely mom n’ pop restaurant on a beachy island. Perfect ambiance, honest food, good service.  It’s also the last day of your family vacation, so you’re looking forward to a little celebrating at the dinner table.   The tomatoes on the salad are ruby-red and farm-fresh, the newly baked brown bread steams with delight,  the shrimp are gianormous and cooked perfectly and the crab bisque….ahh, that sensuous, mouth-watering, swooningly-delicious fresh soup.  All is peaceful and serene, right?

Well you know I’m going to say “no.”  See, my toddler is in the midst of potty training.  And just as I’m about to crunch on the crispy lettuce, she flashes her bright blue eyes at me and says, “Mommy, I have to go potty.”  OK, this is great, I think.  I praise her effusively and off we go to the ladies’ room as I spare a parting shot at my dinner.

We can do this quickly and efficiently, I tell myself.  Shouldn’t be a problem.  So immediately my bossy mantra starts of “don’t touch anything” followed by “stand still” and “wait one more second.”  All of which are answered by “why” in a Smurfette voice as she dances on her toes, trying to twirl in the little coral and seashell decorated stall. 

I can feel my own adrenaline start to pound, so I quickly cover the toilet seat in toilet paper for her to sit on.  Oops!  It falls to the floor. Try again.  Dang, it falls off again!  This can’t be happening, I think.  I mean, it’s just toilet paper! I rush to replace it and cover the seat again while my daughter tries not to wet herself.  Finally, I get her on the seat and she does her business. 

My mantra continues of “don’t touch” while I clean her up and get another pull-up on (“why??!” she croons, just itching to disobey).  In my haste to return to my to-die-for bisque, I rip the pull-up in half! OMG, I’m such an idiot, I think!  I frantically search my purse (for I’m without my diaper bag) for another one and thank the beach gods, I find one. 

Bless her little toddler heart, she needs to hold onto me to balance while we put each foot in.  But instead of resting her wee hands on my shoulders, she believes that sticking her fingers in my ears would be better.  Uh…not for mom!  Of course, I lose my own balance and summarily fall backwards, slamming into the stall door.  She giggles, I groan.  At last, after what was probably only 10 minutes but felt like ten years, we wash up and return to our seafood feast.

Now I was very glad that my tot went to the bathroom without any messy incidents.  Even if she needed to go before every course that was laid before me.  Which was three, for the record (I was too pooped for dessert).  The praises ceased to be so effusive, too.  After the 3rd time, I chugged what wine was left, stared my husband in the eye and clearly enunciated that if there was a 4th time, he could take it on.  With that, I tuned everyone out and dug into my ahi tuna.  Bliss…..

As a writer, I’m familiar with the dreaded “writer’s block syndrome.”  SAHMs (and dads) face similar obstacles when they just don’t know what activities to enjoy with the kids.  How many times can you really bake cookies together or go to the playground or play “dollies”  without going creatively numb?

Feeling the symptoms of play-day-brain-dead approaching, I looked over and saw the book, “Geek Dad, Awesomely Geek Projects & Activities for Dads and Kids to Share,” written by Ken Denmead.  My first impulse was this book was not for me.  First, I’m not a “geeky dad” and second, I feared it was it going to advise me to build rockets or make robots, things I have no interest in doing!   But I put aside my own reservations and cracked the book open. 

And I was pleasantly surprised by the various options of activities.  To my relief, they were not all uber-geeky.   Although a majority of the activities are geared to elementary and middle schoolers, I did find some that were suitable for pre-schoolers, such as creating an animal ABC sticker book (instead of a Superhero ABC book).  Another activity we enjoyed was using windup toys to paint with instead of only the standard fingers or paintbrushes.  It was fun to both watch the toys “walk” paint on the paper as well as check-out all the different designs.  When she’s older, learning how to compost or create an indoor hydroponic garden (ala the Aerogarden) would be fun to do together, too.

I do wish the book contained more detailed diagrams for the activities.  Yet perhaps if one is more geek-prone than I, such diagrams aren’t as necessary.  And some ideas seemed more sophomoric than geeky, like making light-up wallets or”exploding sodas.”  Mayhaps that’s the mom in me, and plenty of dads out there would find it both fun and silly to give a friend an “exploding” drink at the picnic!  But as a mom, I think of the clean-up factors involved. 

Overall, it was an interesting and inspiring read, and  nice to have on hand for those days when you have those creative brain-dead days.  just don’t know what to do with the kids.  For the more “geek-prone,”  and for a lot of dads, it’s probably a must-have on the shelves.

Recently we had some powerful storms rip through the area, causing widespread blackouts. Contrary to popular belief, losing electricity isn’t all that bad.  Depending on how long it’s lost for, of course.  During our outage, I became thankful for:

• All the candles, in all their shapes, sizes, color and scents, that I’ve amassed over the years.  Now if I only had an equivalent match book collection….
• The chance to chat with neighbors in the street who otherwise, with power, would still be inside escaping the heat and in their regular nightly routines.  Gets me to thinking we need to have a summer block party in my neighborhood.
• Having a good excuse to polish off a pint of ice cream for dinner.  Don’t want that to spoil, now do we?!
• The utter peace and quiet that descended over us in the late evening.  No fans whirring or ice maker groaning.
• No Internet or TV (gasp!).  Even with a 2-yr old in the house, who was sick and grumpy, and who “really needed Dora!”   Although I missed the break Dora gives us at night, I enjoyed reading more than our nightly share of books together, especially by torchlight.   Another bonus to no TV–instead of collapsing on the couch together to watch some Sunday night dribble, my husband and I broke out the board games.  Scrabble’s never been so much fun when playing by candlelight!
• Getting a chance to witness my husband’s geekiness in action.  Alas, a down side to no power is no air conditioning.  Even though the storm dropped the temps from a sweltering 105 to 75 by nightfall, it’s still hot on the upper floors of our home.  So DH turned into MacGyver and fashioned me a small fan powered by his laptop and some other wires and gizmos.  Bliss!
• Being able to see the night sky as it was intended to be seen.  Without street lights and house lights on, we were really fortunate to view the starry sky and full moon.  It was beautiful and magical in its own right.

So thank you blackout, for reminding me of the beauty in the simpler things of life.  I think the TV will be “broken” again tonight too

This is my second tour of duty at toddler swim classes.  During my time, I’ve learned some invaluable nuggets of wisdom that I’d like to share with all you brave parents and care-givers, who are willing to get kicked, splashed and mauled in the water with a toddler.  (Please note that if I haven’t experienced the below scenarios, I’ve assuredly witnessed them!)

Ten Things I’ve Learned at Aquatots

• Arrive early to class.  Putting a swimsuit on an excited 2 yr old is like trying to catch fish with your bare hands.  It takes patience!
• Establish your pool rules.  Do it before leaving the comfort of your home, again in the ride over, again in the locker room and again on the pool deck.  repetition, repetition!  Else wise, you may end up with the dreaded “time-out.”
• Don’t be afraid/hesitant/embarrassed to issue a “time-out” while in the pool.  You may need to sit them on steps or on the side of the pool, but discipline is discipline, no matter the locale.  Don’t worry, only the teenage lifeguards will give you strange looks if your child is howling in protest; the rest of the parents will be eyeing you with sympathy as they think, “Oh, glad it’s  not my child.”
• Bring extra swim diapers.  Even if your tot is pretty good at using the toilet at home, there’s something about the pool that decreases inhibitions about peeing in it.  And, you never know what harried parent may  have forgotten their own supply of “swimmies!”  (And don’t forget the wipes, too!)
• Bring two towels.  Yes, sounds like a “duh” but I’ve seen several parents shivering on the pool deck after class because they only brought one towel with them for their kid.
• Bring a snack.  It’s simple enough to bring in a granola bar or piece of fruit and some juice for the after-swim time.  Kids get really hungry after all that water play.  So either tote it along in your bag or keep it in the car, but please, feed those hungry kiddies!
• Wear water-proof mascara, ladies.  If you’re going to wear any at all, make sure it’s water-proof.  Nothing scarier than seeing a woman enthusiastically tell her child to “Jump in, honey!”  while tears of black run down her face like a crazed clown.
• Wear appropriate swimsuits.  Toddler swim classes are not the place to flaunt your sexy new string bikini and flash your mammories (or Speedos, men).   Unless you want the lifeguard to ogle you as your top inevitably falls off because your child just saw a crazed clown and is clinging to you like a rabid monkey.
• Follow your instincts in the water.  Most aquatot classes are designed for 1-3 year olds.  They’re not going to graduate the class knowing the butterfly stroke!  The intention with most of these classes is simply to get your child used to the water, having their ears and head under the water, and knowing to kick up if they are indeed,  under water.  So even if the instructor is bellowing out orders to “Float on your stomachs!” and your tot doesn’t want to, OK.  Don’t force them, just encourage them.  And if they really don’t want to, then at least you’re having fun with them in the water.
• Leave the cameras at home.  I understand you want pics of your kids swimming and jumping, but if you are the only parent at the pool, there is absolutely no place for a camera.  All your attention must be focused on your child at all times.  Instead, leave the shutterbugging to a friend or spouse.
• Have fun!  Most of all, enjoy your time in the water with your tot.  Even if the diaper’s leaking and they’re sitting on the steps screaming about not wanting to be in time-out because they pulled your swimsuit straps down for the third time.  Even then…

YIN:

My daughter started taking swim lessons around the age of 8 months because we live in Florida and there are numerous accidents and deaths every year in the state when kids fall in pools/lakes/canals and don’t know what to do. I was determined to get her in some sort of class early on so that a fear of water would not overcome her and she could have a healthy respect for it. 

My daughter took a very different swim class than the one Yang describes above.  And to that I say “thank goodness!”  I don’t think I could handle a swimming class with multitudes of children of different levels splashing around while I’m in the pool with them.   It’s just not my thing.  My daughter had individualized instruction and the term “swimming lessons” is really a misnomer.  It was more of a learning how to turn over and stay afloat if the baby falls in the water – the very basics for a tiny child. 

This was perfect for us.  I got to stay on the sidelines (and take the pictures) while my daughter and her instructor had their 20 minute lesson three times a week. At first the thought of going that often was daunting but the lessons were in the morning so she just went before going to daycare and I went to work a little late those days.  She didn’t like it getting in the pool at the start but eventually she warmed up to her teacher and the pool. 

Unfortunately due to some health issues my daughter hasn’t been able to continue her swimming lessons.  The group that certified her teacher, Infant Swimming Resource, is very strict and if the child has had certain illnesses in a restricted time period they can’t continue the lessons.  While this is a little challenging, I appreciate their concern and anticipate my daughter taking lessons again soon.  When she does start up again she’ll still be in individual classes as she progresses and I think I’ll keep it that way for a while so she can get personalized attention. 

My best tip to anyone, no matter where they live, to get your child swimming lessons as soon as possible.  Not only is swimming great exercise and a perfect way to cool down on a hot day, but according to the Center for Disease Control “fatal drowning remains the second leading cause of unintentional injury-related death in children ages 1 to 14”.  If you’re not sure where to get swimming lessons from check out ISR or your local YMCA. Or ask a friend who has a child who takes lessons.  No matter the type of swimming class you choose for your child, it could be something that eventually saves their life.

The Girls from Ames, by Jeffrey Zaslow, is a biography of sorts of 11 women who have been friends since childhood through to present day; they are now in their mid-forties.  Some of the women have been friends since toddlerhood, others since elementary or middle school.  Each woman appears to have one strong bond with another woman, a “best friend” in the group if you will, and then all these best friends are also close to each other.  As the author reflects, “they were (are) their own little clique.”

The story of their continuing friendship was amazing to read, mainly in part because it’s true and not a work of fiction.  Plus, it was interesting to read their story as written by a male journalist, and not by one of the Girls.  Through extensive research and many interviews, Zaslow has pulled together an intriguing and complex portrait of their friendship over the years.  In fact, it seems as if I, the reader, were sitting down at the reunion dinner table with them, listening to their stories and anecdotes.

As I read The Girls from Ames, I imagined what kind of friendships my own daughter would form.  Would the young children she plays with now be around in another year, 10 years, or even 20 years?   One can only wonder.  The book also caused me to reflect on my own friendships, which at times during my read, either brought me great joy for those bonds that have remained strong and good, or some sadness and regret for those friends that have parted ways.  And more so, the book struck home to me that it is indeed, a lot of work to keep a good friendship going.

People in America today are busier than ever and distractions abound, from texts and IMs to just keeping house and getting the family hither and yon.  It isn’t easy to always make time to catch up with a friend, whether that’s picking up the phone or dashing off a quick note (email).  Sometimes I wish I could just communicate with them telepathically while I juggle all my other tasks! I have friends I chat with on a daily basis and others with whom I only catch up with every few months, maybe even once a year.  And although I wish we’d all keep in touch more, and be larger parts of each other’s lives, those times that we do connect feel as if we’ve never stopped hanging out.  (And TG for social media sites too, but their impact on friendships is an entire other story!)

Over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that making friends is easier than maintaining them.  I attribute it both to the stage of life myself and my friends now inhabit as well as it just being a by-product of the culture I live in. Today, having a to-do list a mile long is envious and to some, even seen as prosperous  (but if you look at some of these schedules, I’d say “preposterous” is more like it) as opposed to only desiring the Jones’ green lawn a few decades ago.  But these Iowa friends have pulled it off, maintaining and growing their relationships over the years, giving and taking through the good and the bad times.  It takes work; but anything that’s worth its salt takes work, right?

The Girls from Ames is a delightful read and one in which you can percolate on and ruminate about later.  While having that many close friends may be more extraordinary than ordinary, we can definitely learn from these Iowa girls that it pays off in the end.

So with that, I’m off to the store to get a box of notecards and pen a few personal notes to my own circle of friends.  Or at least, dash off a few email missives!

Currently my family and I are zipping north on the Florida Turnpike headed to Disney World to celebrate my daughter’s 2nd birthday. What was I thinking?

It’s about 3-4 hours for us to get there and we don’t have a SUV. So the car is packed to the gills with a playpen (that I’m sure she’ll refuse to sleep in), luggage, a stroller and a small cooler of food. Oh and three people.

We don’t own a portable DVD player because I’m old school and think that children should entertain themselves in the car instead of being zoned into submission. There has already been the requisite meltdown but I blame myself because in all the packing and planning I forgot to make a sandwich for her. We stopped at what has to be the worst service plaza on the FL Turnpike (sorry Port St. Lucie) and got her some peanut butter crackers and now she’s sleeping.

Once we get to the hotel we’ll hit the pool and then Downtown Disney later. Tomorrow the Magic Kingdom awaits. Judging by how excited she was to see a Mickey Mouse shot glass (yes they make them) at the plaza I’m sure the day will be a hit. We’ll be breaking the day in half so we can all get a nap and still maybe be able to watch the night parade.

I love traveling and we often take our daughter on trips. Even though the effort of traveling with a toddler is tedious, and I always forget something, it will be worth it if my daughter ends up loving getting to see the world as much as I do.

We’re taking Amtrak to New York and Washington DC in August. I’ve got to see about getting that portable DVD player I’ve been avoiding.

YANG  MOMMY

I just think Yin Mama is so brave to travel via train with a toddler! And a little nuts, but bravery does involve a little bit of insanity, afterall.  We’ve taken several long road trips with our tot, about 4 1/2 hours each direction for vacation, but have not yet attempted other means of transport. In fact, since having our daughter, the radius of our vacation destinations seems to have shrunk compared to pre-tot days. It’s all our own doing, of course.

See, I’m rather intimidated to go on a plane with my toddler.  Instead of envisioning a fun vacation ahead of me, I conjure up the enormous list of what I’d have to pack just for her, including toys/books for the plane ride, let alone clothes,wipes, etc. It seems like a monumental task, yet moms just like Yin do it all the time. I have a mommy friend who took her pre-schooler around the world to the Philipines! And another who just returned from vacation at the Magic Kingdom with 2 kids under the age of 3. Both moms survived intact and had tremendous vacations.

Despite my trepidations of tot travel, I too have the travel bug like Yin Mama, which was instilled into me at a very young age.  When I was 18mths old, my parents flew from NY to London with me, so that I could meet family members and be baptized in the family church. I don’t remember a thing, of course, but it’s a great story to tell. I want my daughter to see the world too, to experience new cultures and meet all sorts of people. But at the age of 2, I don’t think she’d remember anything. But I would, right…?

So as I type this, I’m mentally chewing on the idea of all of us going to Tuscany next spring to visit family. Under the Tuscan sun, tot in tow. Hmmm….maybe the reward of going there will be enough for me to pack us all up and attempt the travel challenge!